welcome to the jungle

I have a lot to write and catch ppl up on. But now is not the time. Its late. I'm kinda tired. I just felt like writing though. Though I don't always write here, for some reason I felt why the heck not. Today I woke up in a great mood. Well tired of course, I always am. But once i'm up for awhile I'm good. The weather was great and I was feeling good. Coming off a good weekend. And morning at work went well. The afternoon though...not so much. Well not that it was bad. Really, I'm just really hard on myself sometimes. Much much more than I need to be for sure. But I think thats fine. Only way I'll improve on things is if I want it. I was hard on myself this afternoon. I got a bit (more than a bit) upset at myself and in general. But I'm alright. And things aren't bad. And tomorrow I get back up and go to work. And I'll steal a line from Brent. I am determined to succeed. When I think about it, really I am the only person that can really make me succeed and really make myself fail. I have to make sure I do the right things and also don't let myself bring myself down either. Alright, so ok thats good. I like to leave off on a positive note. And I do feel positive right now. Overall. k, i'm thirsty. A drink and then to bed. I bid thee all, adieu.

Pictures from NY & DC

Stories will follow later, including the Producers, scalped Knicks tickets, rainy days in brooklyn, food galore, and of course the crazy woman that pulled out a knife behind me in mcdonalds in Washington. Til then, enjoy the pictures. =) Random NY pic Rasheed in Times Square Me in Times Square Oh, me again Skating rink at Rockefeller Centre Rasheed figuring out the subway system, poor guy was so lost :P Part of NY sky line NY at night from atop the Empire State building And another And now with me One more k, last one Myself at the Knicks game Myself and Rasheed sitting back enjoying the game Woohoo Go KNICKS (but Raptors will always be my #1 team) Alia would love this... In DC by Capital Hill DC is cold too, brr... Rasheed with some random statue Myself and Rasheed in DC The MOMA

yes, of course i can.

Alright, so I should be talking about my cousin Rasheed's visit to NYC but I'll do that next time. This is just other stuff I felt like blogging about. I like U2. I have the song Elevation stuck in my head as of late. I was blogging and then so many distractions from ppl. sigh. ok this will have to be quicker than i thought. So this week Brian from Rochester office is here cause the company, TowerData is having a bunch of meetings all week on the companies goals. Discussing all facets of the company like Marketing, Sales, Positioning, New Product Development, product extensions, financials, like everything. But first we had a marketing meeting on one product called SpamExam. I talked to most of friends about it already. Discussing possible alternative names and whatnot because we had decided to change the name. Now last week Tom (the president), Brian, and I had already had some talks and made a short list of new nmes. The plan to finalize this week. So I go into the meeting and I'm quiet at first (just my style, i'm still working on it). But then I take my notes and am like. Ok so these are the names we had. I don't like this, this, this this or this. These are alright. And these are the new names I thought of. This is the name I think we should go with. This is the product suite name. This is how brands should be presented to the user. In this format and this format And in this order. and this is why this would work. And this is why this wouldn't work. And well I think I'm making it sound more impressive than it really was. Wasn' that much at all. But still, it felt really cool. And was a lot of fun. And they agreed. So yeah cool! The new name is now Content Consultant btw. hmm...what else happened... taking the F train home, the train guy said since we are running behind schedule the train will be running express. Awesome! that means only 2 stops instead of like 8 to my station! yay! its the small things i went to work out. it was ok. my right arm...i don't know. its all messed up. i might get that checked out when i finally get insurance. probably next couple weeks i'll get insurance. hopefully my arm doesn't just like fall off or something. overall i don't know. the day left me in a good mood though. Today was a bunch more meetings. Not as successful as yesterday for me personally. but still good productive meetings. And they are fun. It really really is cool. To sit there and really have say in the direction of the company. How it position and markets itself as a whole. How it achieves such goals. Who we target too. What products we go forward in enhancing, how to sell and market those. And long term strategy and its just like wow, this is so cool. I'm apart of everything and I really get to see things from the point of idea conception, spec'ing, development, to selling. Its fun. And the ppl are nice. Now I just need my raise which I will be dicussing in my review this week or next. Inshaallah all goes well. And only if it were warm here. I need warmer weather! Today was also the company dinner, that was nice. To be able to talk to the team in a more social environment. They can learn more about me (big) and me them. And swap stories. And its just nice and fun. And dinner was great too. NY restaurants are awesome. Not cheap, but awesome. In my last post I said I dont really get much encouragement. And well that isn't entirely accurate. I don't believe I get many much of hey, you're doing great, keep it up, keep pushing, almost there, you'll do excellent, etc type of encouragement. BUT I do have quite a few ppl that tell me I'm amazing, Or I rock, Or I'm a great friend, or I'm a genious, or they see me being really successful, and various things like that. And I know ppl have strong belife in me and also expectations of me because of those beliefs. And that is probably one reason I have a very strong belief in myself. Actually, its weird. I have a strong long term belief in myself. Part of my idealism? In the short run, I do think of myself of a bit dumb or not capable. Well no, but yes, and I guess its confidence and pumping myself up. It fluctuates. There is still more to say, but I can't think right now what. Next time part 4 with pictures. Till then. oh 1 last thing, well 2 last things. Number of reasons its been on my mind. But well, I know my Nani use to pray so much for me. I really do feel less confident, weaker even, without those prayers. I feel like those prayers saved me from disaster many times. I know I get many prayers from others of course. My parents, sister, and my Nana and Dada for sure as well. I don't know. Its just kind of scary though to think. That one day (hopefully far in the future) it will really be up to me to pray for myself. Its scary. I don't do enough. I can do more, I need to do more. I'll leave off with a story. Often times in life, we get lost. We have all these things we want to do. That we feel are important. Our goals and dreams, our little to do lists, the trips we plan, the ppl we see, the careers we want, the movies to see, the excercise to do, i don't know. so many things. We have to maintain a perspective though. Whats really important? Once a man saw in his dream, that a lion was chasing him. The man ran to a tree, climbed on to it and sat on a branch. He looked down and saw that the lion was still there waiting for him. The man then looked to his side where the branch he was sitting on was attached to the tree and saw that two rats were circling around and eating the branch. One rat was black and the other one was white. The branch would fall on the ground very soon. The man then looked below again with fear and discovered that a big black snake had come and settled directly under him. The snake opened its mouth right under the man so that he will fall into it. The man then looked up to see if there was anything that he could hold on to. He saw another branch with a honeycomb. Drops of honey were falling from it. The man wanted to taste one of the drops. So, he put his tongue out and tasted one of the fallen drops of honey. The honey was amazing in taste. So, he wanted to taste another drop. As he did, he got lost into the sweetness of the honey. Meanwhile, he forgot about the two rats eating his branch away, the lion on the ground and the snake that is sitting right under him. After a while, he woke up from his sleep. To get the meaning behind this dream, the man went to a pious scholar of Islam. The scholar said "The lion you saw is your death. It always chases you and goes where ever you go. The two rats, one black and one white, are the night and the day. Black one is the night and the white one is the day. They circle around, coming one after another, to eat your time as they take you closer to death. The big black snake with a dark mouth is your grave. It's there, just waiting for you to fall into it. The honeycomb is this world and the sweet honey is the luxuries of this world. We like to taste a drop of the luxuries of this world but it's very sweet. Then we taste another drop and yet another. Meanwhile, we get lost into it and we forget about our time, we forget about our death and we forget about our graves." May Allah wake us up from the sleep and save us before it's too late. Ameen."

a blather, but oh well

Alright, so this is post 3. The New Years Resolution stuff, sorta. Cause really its more of a whatever todays date resolution stuff. Man, I had a bunch of things I wanted to write this morning. I didn't wake up in the greatest of moods, but when I finally pulled myself out of bed I was feeling good. Not many things beat a hot shower, you know when you just let the water beat down on you, and wear its so hot that it almost hurts. Anyhow, I was going to talk about this past year, hmm...i think i said this already in post#1. hmm....so yeah, now i'm not. oh yes, the Sometimes. I don't swear, but sometimes, I really wish I did. Sometimes I just want to be left alone. Sometimes I hate that I'm all alone. Sometimes, I want to do things that I know are wrong, but I remember they are wrong and I remember who I am and I can not. Sometimes people bother me/let me down/make me stop trusting them, so much and I don't know why I let them do so to me repeatedly. Sometimes I just really want to go far away from where I am. This morning I kind of felt that a lot. Its just a passing whim, but hey, if anyone knows of any job oppurtunities in Europe or Asia let me know :) Preferably on contract and min of 6 months though. Just a passing whim though. I want to be somewhere warmer! Sometimes I want to get into a fight, like a real fight. Or I want to break something, I want to go out and scream and let things out. People tell me that I'm going to explore or snap one day b/c I bottle stuff up. sometimes when i fall, i just want to lie on the floor/ground for a bit and i can't recall what else was on my mind so i'll stop there For this coming year and the future what i want to change, or what some of my goals are: I want to be a better person. I know I can do more than what I'm doing now. In all aspects. I have to try harder to be outgoing, and firm, and vocal. I will stand up for myself more. I will not allow ppl to get away with stuff against me. I've stated this before, the last 2 years actually. But I will not waste my time with people that do not truly care about me. Time is a valuable commodity, and I should spend it with those that really matter in my life. I will work harder and more productively. I will waste less time. Cutting out all or at least most tv. Spend more time reading. And I will start seriously studying I will eat healthier foods. And Hopefully in a healthier manner. I'll cook more! I'll go to the gym an average of 3-4 times a week. I will do what I want to do, even if I have to do it alone. I will not feel embarassed or scared or awkward, or at least I will not let it stop me. I will do more good. I'll just be better. I know I can do more. For myself, for my friends, for my family, and for society. Actually, out of all the things that happened in the last year. One thing that has troubled me, one of the things that I think about often, and that I think about even in my dreams sometimes, is I have so much and I've given so little to charity. 2005 is gone for ever. 2006 is the year of Ahmed, incase you didn't know. This is my year. And I will force myself to make the most of it. To try new things and to push myself. Truthfully, I don't feel like I get much encouragement from anyone. But I know that people have great expectations of me and belief in me and wish me well. I have those same things myself, but its up to me to get things done. You have to work for what you want, you have to try for it, and try hard, never give up. And I can say this all I want. I can complain about this and that. And wait on this or that, which sadly I feel I still have to, to some extent. But not for all things! I need to start doing. Just doing the things I'm interested in, and things that will benefit me long term as well. and ok, i'm just rambling and any msg i was giivng has lost its potency, dah well. most ppl probably don't read this far anyhow. have you taken a risk lately? have you pushed yourself? Can you do more? things to constantly ask yourself

1 more pic

Grr...almost a perfect post. This pic got left behind. A few of my cousins (haha still not all of them) at Aisha's Shadi.

Pictures!!!

Here's part 2. A bunch of pic's from the past. I couldn't include everyone, but I think I did get a lot of you. There have been some bad times of course, but there have certainly really really great times. I'm sad that some things can't be relived, but I look forward to all the great times still ahead. Here are some pictures in fairly random order. Yo Benson, Whatsup Hanging out at the CS House. Just chilling, haha. haha, Montreal was so much fun. Eating at Weavers. Jenise & I out for lunch. On the steps of MC Somebody gonna get a hurt real bad! My family & I Myself, my Nani, Umber, and my Nana aww, Ali & Adil The guys pulling a prank on me and switching my room with the livring room. Click to see the larger picture. The Grad party at my house in waterloo. Back on the courts at v1 Outside DC Out for sushi! Adil, Caitlin, & I at Caitlins for a convocation afterparty. My CousinBrothers and I. Seiji, James, Omar, & I at C-Lounge. Sarah, Zeba, Myself, and Fatima.

part 1 of 4

So its been awhile. Yesterday night I really wanted to blog, but for some reason I couldn't get in, so frustrating. argh. But I'm now aren't I? So like I said, its been awhile. I got a lot to catch everyone up on. So this will be a sequence of posts. I'll try to space it out by 2-3 days. Something along the lines of: 1) Decemeber trip back home 2) Pictures from the past 3) New Years resolution 4) Rasheed visiting me here in NYC Alright, so today is December stuff. It seems already a long time ago that I was home. I was home for about 8-10 days or so, so I got to spend a lot of time with mostly everyone. I saw a ton of movies while I was back or just before then. Narnia King Kong Memoirs of a Geisha Wolf Creek Brokeback Mountain Capote Fun with Dick and Jane I went bowling (gordon exploded for a huge game of 148, i mean gordon? 148? who would have thought haha). Went for pool a few times, demetres of few times, east sides a few times, bombay chopsticks, Tim Hortons!, can't even remember what else. But a lot of fun with friends and family and my cousins. Boxing day was fun, I went a bit crazy with the dvd shopping buying 8 new dvds. Funny dvds are pretty much all I bought during boxing day/week. Well I did actually I did buy 2 other things. 1 my dads birthday present and 1 other gift for one of my friends, though I wasn't able to give it so then it became a gift to myself which my mom then has borrowed from me. New Years was a quiet night. Its always a last minute thing with me. My initial plans never seem to work out. I went out with some friends for some pool, then just chilled at a friends house playing some games and stopping to watch tv near the 10 sec countdown. It was very relaxed and enjoyable. I actually didn't take many pictures at all during my trip. strange. I was able to see Omar and Aamir for a short time the evening I left. That was great. They had both gone on trips so it was lucky to be able to see them at all. I think they had got back just like the day before. We just chilled at Omar's place just catching up and talking about random things. I can't think of what more I want to say about that trip. It was overall, a very good trip. Today is Eid as well. Eid Mubarak everyone. One of my friends sent me this email. I think I'll share it here. Take care all. I dreamt that I went to Heaven and an angel was showing me around. We walked side-by-side inside a large workroom filled with angels. My angel guide stopped in front of the first section and said, "This is the Receiving Section. Here, all petitions to God said in prayer are received." I looked around in this area, and it was terribly busy with so many angels sorting out petitions written on voluminous paper sheets and scraps from people all over the world. Then we moved on down a long corridor until we reached the second section. The angel then said to me, "This is the Packaging and Delivery Section. Here, the graces and blessings the people asked for are processed and delivered to the living persons who asked for them." I noticed again how busy it was there. There were many angels working hard in that station, since so many blessings had been requested and were being packed for delivery to Earth. Finally at the farthest end of the long corridor we stopped at the door of a very small station. To my great surprise, only one angel was seated there, idly doing nothing. "This is the Acknowledgement Section," my angel friend quietly admitted to me. He seemed embarrassed. "How is it that? There's no work going on here?" I asked. "So sad," the angel sighed. "After people receive the blessings that they asked for, very few send back acknowledgements". "How does one acknowledge God's blessings?" I asked. "Simple," the angel answered. "Just say, "'ALHAMDULILLAHE RABBIL AALAMEEIN, Thank you, Lord'." What blessings should we acknowledge? "If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep ... you are richer than 75% of this world. "If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish, you are among the top 8% of the world's wealthy. "And if you get this on your own computer, you are part of the 1% in the world who has that opportunity." Also..."If you woke up this morning with more health than illness ... you are more blessed than the many who will not even survive this day." "If you have never experienced the fear in battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation ...you are ahead of 700 million people in the world." "If you can attend mosque or attend religious meeting without fear of harassment, arrest, torture ordeath ... you are envied by, and more blessed than, three billion people in the world.If you can hold your head up and smile, you are not the norm, you are unique to all those in doubt and despair." If you can read this message, you just received a double blessing in that someone was thinking of you as very special, and, you are more blessed than over two billion people in the world who cannot read at all. Have a good day, count your blessings, and if you want, pass this along to remind everyone else how blessed we all are. "And Remember your Allah/Lord has declared that, 'If you are grateful then I (HE) will add more favors unto you'". (Ibrahim 14:7)