This turn.

Less than 3 weeks til the test...my nervousness is rising. I still have a ton of material to go through. And this week I have to prep for my San Fran trip and then I'll be there for about 5 days so I only have 1 week left before the test when I get back....well...inshallah it all goes well. I'm excited about San Francisco but at the same time...I'm kind of not. It'll be fun going to a conference there. Interacting with people. It'll be nice to see my cousin and his family. And my friend down there. But thats the weekend (well the conference is the week but whatever) but then what? Well I'll explore the city I suppose. Its too bad I don't know more people there. I'm really rather tired of not knowing ppl. Been there done that in Chennai and when I first came to NY (somewhat still actually). Its tiring and draining and hard and overall just sucks. But hey, I have the oppurtunity to go someplace I've never been and I will enjoy myself. And.....I'll take my books to do a bit of studying as well :P I wake up. I'm tired. I brush my teeth and wash my face. I start to feel energetic. A million thoughts race through my head. Oppurtunities, memories, ideas, plans. I'm happy. I'm eagar. I look forward with anticpation. Something happens. Someone bugs me, I do something less than perfect. Things go wrong. I feel down. I get blah. I don't care. I ignore. I bottle in. I decide this is dumb. I will continue. Only because I dont want to give up. One foot forward, after the other. I remember something, I talk to someone, I eat some chocolate, I go to sleep. I'm ready to be happy again. Prison break = my latest addiction. I have to be careful with it. Its a major study distraction. I think I almost caught a cold. I'm still fighting it but I refuse to be sick. Too much to do right now. I think its b/c the weather got really cold last week. And now its slightly warm again...at least during the day. But also I haven't been sleeping or eating much....well sleeping part can't be fixed right now.....but I'll try to make myself eat more in the evenings. I want some pizza and fries right now actually....hmmm..almost time for iftar now....i'll should go buy something to open roza with. To leave the thread of all time And let it make a dark line In hopes that I can still find The way back to the moment I took the turn and turned to Begin a new beginning Still looking for the answer I cannot find the finish Its either this or that way Its one way or the other It should be one direction It could be on reflection The turn I have just taken The turn that I was making I might be just beginning I might be near the end.