Nothing more - Abort, Retry, Ignore

I posted this before on my old blog. Sadly thats now out of commission...still need to remove the link. Maybe this on this blog too from last year.....not sure. Regardless here it is again. It appeals to the geek in me. Hope everyone has a good day. Laters. Nothing more - By Anon (with appologies to 'The Raven' by Edgar Allan Poe) Once upon a midnight dreary, fingers cramped and vision bleary, System manuals piled high and wasted paper on the floor, Longing for the warmth of bedsheets, Still I sat there, doing spreadsheets: Having reached the bottom line, I took a floppy from the drawer. Typing with a steady hand, I then invoked the SAVE command and waited for the disk to store, Only this and nothing more. Deep into the monitor peering, long I sat there wond'ring, fearing, Doubting, while the disk kept churning, turning yet to churn some more. "Save!" I said, "You cursed mother! Save my data from before!" One thing did the phosphors answer, only this and nothing more, Just, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?" Was this some occult illusion? Some maniacal intrusion? These were choices undesired, ones I'd never faced before. Carefully, I weighed the choices as the disk made impish noises. The cursor flashed, insistent, waiting, baiting me to type some more. Clearly I must press a key, choosing one and nothing more, From Choose "Abort, Retry, Ignore?" With my fingers pale and trembling Slowly toward the keyboard bending, Longing for a happy ending, hoping all would be restored, Praying for some guarantee Timidly I pressed a key. But on the screen there still persisted words appearing as before. Ghastly grim they blinked and taunted, haunted, as my patience wore, Saying "Abort, Retry, Ignore?" I tried to catch the chips off-guard -- I pressed again, but twice as hard. I pleaded with the cursed machine: I begged and cried and then I swore. Now in desperation, trying random combinations, Still there came the incantation, just as senseless as before. Cursor blinking, angrily winking, blinking nonsense as before. Reading, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?" There I sat, distraught, exhausted by my own machine, accosted Getting up I turned away and paced across the office floor. And then I saw dreadful sight: a lightning bolt cut through the night. A gasp of horror overtook me, shook me to my core. The lightning zapped my previous data, lost and gone forevermore. Not even, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?" To this day I do not know The place to which lost data goes. What demonic nether world is wrought where data will be stored, Beyond the reach of mortal souls, beyond the ether, into black holes? But sure as there's C, Pascal, Lotus, Ashton-Tate and more, You will one day be left to wander, lost on some Plutonian shore, Pleading, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

I am the Man!

First off, here's a link to another cool blog, Mr. Bilal. It can also be found in the friend section down below on the side over <--------- there somewhere. Now, I just want to say: I am the man, that's what I am I'm a straight shooter, with a master plan I am the man, that's why I'm here I am the man, I am the man hehe, ok those are just some lyrics from The Philosopher Kings (whom are Canadian btw!). And just something that was in my head a bit this weekend. So Saturday, was the day. Time to write the GMAT. My study pattern for it wasn't the greatest. I studied July - late August. Then I was dumb and lazy and did squat all for awhile. Then late Sept I studied til yesterday when I wrote it I studied again. And truthfully, I was feeling pretty good by the end. I felt I could bomb (relatively) and still pull of a low-mid 600. And while leaving my apartment and walking to the train to go to the test, I just felt, I own this, I'm going to do great on this. And really, its such a nice feeling of confidence to be able to walk into something feeling that way. I don't mean to sound conceited, I just felt, I guess how I stated in the last post, if I did as well as I'm capable of, I'd do well. And thats totally not to say I wasn't nervous. I didn't sleep much before the test. And I woke up and prayed a bit extra. And during the test, well before and between the 3 different sections of the test are 10min breaks and I was like reciting any and all surahs, kulmas, dua's, etc that came to mind hehe. But in the end, things turned out great! I got a 700 which I'm more than satisfied with. Thank goodness no more studying now. It was kinda odd going for an exam again, had many of the same feelings from my old waterloo days. hehe. Thanks to everyone for the encouragement, even my doorman was like "mohammed, I want to wish you good luck and I hope you do very well." it sounds cooler in my head with his french accent than it does on here, but oh well. Thanks everyone. Encouragement is always appreciated. After the exam I was having this wonderful feeling of Euphoria and feeling happy and kind of smart and so I proceeded to stand on the platform and watch my train come and then leave w/o me. Only to realize a min too late...wait, that was my train...I'm on the wrong side. lol. I met up with some naseeb friends for dinner later that night. It was our Eid dinner at this restaurant called Dervish. Its alright, though its a very limited halal menu. The atmosphere was nice though. And we were doing our gift exchange thingy. Like a secret santa, but for Eid. I got Sadia. And as many of you know, I had no idea what to get her as I don't really know her too well. So I was asking a lot of ppl. In the end, I got her 2 shawls and some chocolate and she seemed to like it a lot so I'm glad. Other ppl complimented the gift as well so thats cool. Giving gifts is fun. Getting too of course =) But I like to give gifts, to the ppl I care about. I feel like I see things fairly often that I'm like oh they would like this or that. Or this reminds me of this person. Its not super amazing stuff by any means but I still think its nice. Though, I think I do need to do a bit of the regular cool nice gift too. Just to mix it up a bit, as much as ppl say its the thought...nice stuff is nice stuff too :P The night was really nice overall. One thing I miss about being home in Canada is that I have so many friends back home. And family of course. My family and so many of my cousins. And I have different groups basically that I hang out with, almost always someone or something. Not so much here, though I've tried hard to establish that...its a slow process. Anyhow, last night, I had the dinner thingy and lots of ppl were there, and during the night, my mom called, my cousin saara called, my cousins rasheed and hafsa txt'd me, zaina called, caitlin called. I felt more talkative at the dinner than I have in quite sometime (I'm usually pretty quiet...and still was...but less so). And it was just a good fun night. Afterwards they went for hookah but I decided to head home though. I was kinda tired and just wanted to do nothing at home. Today, did 94875937 loads of laundry and started to clean my room....um....I got my desk done...I think i'll do a bit a day and finish cleaning by tuesday :p hmm...anything else that I wanted to say? um....Congratulations Caitlin on the promotion! Thats awesome! um....oh Anojan and I saw The Prestige today. Not what I expected actually. But its alright. Solid but middle of the road to me, I'll give it a 3/5. I didn't take any pics at the dinner but several others did, I'll get some soon probably and put those up....still need to put up pics from when Rasheed came down as well....and then update the picture archive...thats a few picture posts out of date now.... Oh wait, I remember what else. I was talking to my mom. And it was strange b/c she brought up something that I was thinking myself lately. If you want something, if you have a goal, you need to belive in yourself. Don't aim low, aim high, and believe. and have faith, have belief. She was giving examples of wanting to go to ohmra, visit my nani-ma (great grandmother), and now going for hajj. And in my head I was thinking I was looking for more halal food near work, and I found 2 restaurants and a masjid.I wanted to start praying regularly, and finding that masjid along with some inner resolve has helped me greatly there. I wanted to get a lil book of prayers and it came to me (and on a rainy day where i didn't feel like going to the masjid, i went anyways and they were giving them away for free!). I had this 1 project I was working on and I was worried about a meeting I had on it, but a sudden shift in priorities caused that to get pushed back giving me ample more time to get it done the way i want to. I had a very important meeting I was very nervous about which I was praying a lot about and it went even better than I expected! I was praying about doing well on the gmat and ppl sent me tips on studying, where to study, and well wishes. And then I did do well. I think I posted this before maybe....or at least talked to some about this before. We are blessed and lucky ppl. so yeah, I just found it cool how my mom was talking to me about things like this that were already in my head. And just saying you need to belive and work hard and inshallah everything will work out well. =) anways, this message is getting to be too much like a childrens afterschool special....remember kids stay in school and say no to drugs =P haha Todays post has been brought to you by the letters A, I, B, and the number 8.

2 more days!

2 days to go. 2 days more days. I feel good about the math. And for english.....I'm alright. I'm not terribly confident about the sentence correction portion to be honest. But Inshallah all goes well. I'm scared to give myself expectations for a gmat score. But thats more about giving myself an out. Bah to that. I know what I want, its up to me to work for it and get it. Just inshallah I perform to the best of my abilities and I'll be fine. Whats pops to mind is something my Econ prof said one time. He was speaking about Olympic atheletes and he said it much more eloquently than I am about to. But basically he said. Do not wish them luck. That is an insult. These are people that have worked long and hard. They have spent endless hours and energy on their goals. These are professionals. Do not wish them luck, wish them success in performing at the highest of their abilities. Ok, now back to me. Yo, wish me luck, =p I'm cool with that haha. No, but inshallah I do fine. I'm really looking forward to having some free time again. Well I'll be busy with other things but it'll be 1 big thing out of the way. I could read again! I'm so behind in reading. I don't read nearly as much as I'd like to...or as much as I may make it sound like I do. But it is so much fun. To get engrossed and so lost in a book that the outside world fades away to oblivion, so nice so nice. Writing is fun too. I tell a lot of my friends, hey you should start blogging. And they are like, nah, I can't write. And I'm boring. I'm like...um...look at my blog, its far from a masterpiece. Its just fun. And at times very therapeutic. So EID was Monday, at least here, for me it was. EIDs not quite the same w/o family, but come to think of it...I haven't had EID w/ my family in like (was in ny this year and last, india 2 years ago....waterloo the year before...that) wow, it has been awhile. Anyways so what was my EID like this year? Well sir, I went to work, prayed at the masjid, came home and studied. So dull. BUT I honestly did enjoy that it was EID. I was in a good mood. I was feeling happy. So its not ideal, but I can't complain. AND ok, so I'm talking to Zaina and she's like Z: My mom made some Biryani, I'll bring you some Tuesday. Me: Oh thank you, but actually....I'm not a big biryani fan (yes yes, everyone else loves it....I duno. i prefer to mix my rice and meats myself). But thanks anyways. Z: Np, are you sure? M: hey.....actually......did your mom make shir kurma (sp?) the milkly sweet thingy. Z: Yep, you want some? M: Yes, that would be awesome! Going to peoples houses and having shir kurma and chai are something I'll always associate with EID and I do miss that so it was awesome to get some. Thanks Zaina! (And Mrs. Bari! hehe). Wednesday I went to an EID dinner at NYU. It was meh. Food I enjoyed, but it wasn't a social event in which I could really mingle and meet ppl. Had to just sit at the table and watch the show. Which wasn't bad. but I'm working on expanding my circle so not what I was hoping for. But dah well. Right after my exam on saturday I'm meeting some friends for our own eid dinner and eid exchange (like a secret santa) that should be fun. 2 more days! eeep! ack! Bring it on! :P oh ps. added 3 new blogs on the side over <-------- there. Check them out. Its Ms. Almira, Ms. Hanna, and Mr. Jeff.

Eid Mubarak! Eid Mubarak Everyone! =)

My San Fran trip w/ Pictures!

Friday: I arrive at SFO and Omar picks me up. We go to his house and talk for a few hrs. Saturday: I spend the morning with Omar, his wife Lubna, and their kids Alina & Daniel (Danyal, not sure). And we go to....Costco! haha. But it was fun. Afterwards played with the kids at home for awhile. So much fun! They're really nice and really happy kids. A little shy at first but they quickly warmed up to me and we had a lot of fun playing. Later we went to Alina's soccer game. I didn't catch all of it as Omar took me around the city (Foster City a it south of SF is where they live). We went this water area (1st pic) and Shell beach and just around the city a bit. Then returned to the game. Alina scored 4 goals! I should get her autopgraph now hehe. Though she was a bit cross with me for not watching the whole game...sorry kiddo, inshallah next time (like she reads this, hehe but oh well). OH! Guess who I saw at the game! Tim Robbins! Or at least a guy sitting on a lawn chair with shades that looked just like him! And there was a ferrari in the parking lot....soo.....I choose to believe it was him. :) They then dropped me off at the train station and I took the train into SF. The ride didn't take long and I spent the time looking outside. The scenary looked more like what I'd imagine for Nevada than Cali but it was still nice. I met up with Brian from work and we setup the booth and then I walked from Moscone centre randomly looking around. Going through Chinatown and ending up at Fishermans Wharf where I had dinner. Shrimp and scallops good stuff! The rice and pasta were bleh. Went back to the hotel and just crashed...not feeling well, I threw up a bit later that night =( But sunday I felt fine. Sunday: Sunday morning, Sharmin drove up from Mountain View to come pick me up and show me around the city. First we went to Lombard Street, I don't have a good pic showing the whole thing but basically its on the top of a hill and its this curvy road going all the way back down. Its just 1 turn after another so you basically have to drive at like 5-10km/hr to go down. It was pretty neat. Next up was the Golden Gate bridge. It was red, I knew that. But it was huge. Much bigger than I imagined. Reminded me of the Williamsburg bridge Rasheed and I kept crossing but, this was bigger. After the bridge we went to the Palace of Fine Arts. It looked kinda kiddy inside so walked around outside and it was amazing! The place when you just stop and look at it is like out of painting (in fact several artists were just sitting around painting landscapes of the area). It was really really nice. I heard later that the inside is actually really cool, and very nice interactive science centre so maybe I missed out. Next time. We then went to the Ocean. The ocean is massive! I got my shoes and feet wet when a wave went farther up the shore than I expected. Sharmin laughed at me and then was like "oh yeah, I should have warned you about that." It was cool though. To see the ocean right there. You kind of just want to stop, look at it and you get lost in your own thoughts. There were some cool kite flyers on the beach as well. And some of those things were you ride a bike pulled by a kite. I'm going to have to try that someday. After that Sharmin dropped me back at my hotel and I scrambled to get ready for day 1 of the show. Got ready, got to the show. And its massive. Like MASSIVE! Over 10,000 people at least. And really, it was kinda scary at first. Talking to these ppl about the businesss and company and products. Particularly the products I don't deal with often. But I quickly got the hang of it and it became quite fun. That night we went out to dinner with 1 of our competitors who is also a business partner, kinda. It was a lot of trash talking going back and forth and was pretty entertaining. Monday: Long day. Standing on my feet. All day. Sigh, so tiring. Really really tiring. But fun. But after the show. We went to the Expiron party. Like companies have dinner and receptions and parties and stuff afterwards in the evening. And Expiron throws the biggest. Well first we went to the Hoovers reception and that was ok. Then we went to Expiron. Expiron had got this giant tent in the heart of downtown San Fran in Union Square. They had a live band. They had vanilla fountains, chocolate fountains, chefs cutting and serving roast, multiple desert tables (with multiple deserts), a huge sushi area, open bar (blah), and bunch of other stuff. It was crazy! Like easily a million dollar plus party. But it was fun. It was interesting seeing older ppl dance around and stuff but they were having fun and no one was lewd or anything so it was really nice. And its nice listening to kinda older fun music too. I enjoyed it. Tuesday: Another long day at Moscone Centre. Then after it was done we packed it all up and shipped it to NY. Then I rented a car and drove around SF! Woohoo those hills man, I love it. After driving around there for a bit, I drove down to...Redwood to meet up with Sharmin for dinner. She was running late so I went grocery shopping hahha. Cereal man! So cheap there. So then we went to Dennny's. Man the most ghetto Denny ever. Good choice there Sharmin! I barely ate my food. So we just chilled for a bit and then I drove back to SF. Wednesday: Wednesday I was feeling really out of it. See the below post. So I started calling ppl on my phone. Talked to quite a few ppl by the end of the day actually. Rasheed, Omar, Caitlin, Zahra, Saara, and later on Alia, Dania, Farheen, Zaina, Darrin, um...can't remember who else now. Anyways during the day I drove down Lombard Street for myself. Did some more hills. Went to the Pier but just walked around, didn't have time for Alcatraz unfortunately. Checked out the Sony Matrenon which was pretty cool, an interactive place with some free video games. And just walked aroudn the city. I had to return the car by 7 so I just drove to the airport and returned it and then I was there pretty early so i just went online and talked to ppl and thats about it. Overall a great trip and I look forward to visiting again sometime. Ok, this took longer than I thought so back to studying! sigh.... Omar standing on the F of the Foster City sign Shell beach, its all shells everywhere. So strange but neat. My neice Alina all ready for her soccer game. Lil superstar scored 4 goals :) Omar & Alina drop me off at the train station Scenary on the way to San Fran...its more how I'd picture Nevada. Walking the streets of SF, there are some cool buildings here. The hilly roads. Fishermans Wharf SF by the wharf with Coit Tower in the back SF is known for Ghiradelli chocolate and...you know, its pretty good. And they're also known for their sourdough, which comes in many shapes View of a hilly road while sitting in the car Going down Lombard St The Golden Gate Bridge And from the other side And with me in the pic. Even w/o flash my eyes are still closed! But I still blame the picture taker! The Palace of Fine Arts Sharmin, by the water near the Palace. Here swan, come here swan Another swan pic And me by the water. The whole area by the Palace of Fine arts looked So nice! The Ocean! Its Huge!! Lets go fly a kite, up to the highest height, lets all go....fly a kite! Ok, so here's a pic of me at the conference/tradeshow thingy. Here's some football guy...I hear he's kinda famous. Alcatraz! Jaws! well prehistoric jaws. Pier 39, bunch of restaurants and buskers and stuff. And just 1 more of the city's roads. So much fun to drive on...not so much fun to walk.

In the middle of the night.

I'm back. And the trip overall was great. There was some bad along with the good but overall I really enjoyed it and Inshallah I'll go visit there again soon some day. I took pictures and I have stories, but that will come on the weekend. Right now I just wanted to post. I thought about starting a new blog for this. I didn't know if I wanted to put this here and really I'm still not sure. I may make a new blog for such thoughts later...we'll see. Basically, the last couple days I was really feeling down. I feel really alone in NY sometimes. Sure I know some ppl. I have made some friends. But (no offense to any of them) I haven't become very close to any of them yet. And when I feel sad or down and even when I'm not sad and just want to talk, I end up calling my friends and family back in Canada, or Caitlin who's in CT. I just get really tired of not having ppl here sometimes. I am so lucky for all that I have. Am I being ungrateful? Should I just be happy and content with what I have? Well I know I should be grateful. I am. But I guess the answer is that I shouldn't stop striving for more. You know, dinner and food is always nice. But it'd be really nice to just really get to know ppl. To be able to just sit at home with some friends and talk and laugh just playing a board games. Just enjoying simple things. Its hard to keep trying, I have tried. I've tried so many different things. And things are much better than before. I can to a degree understand why so many ppl do so many bad things sometimes....its an escape...but its temporary. And I'm thankful I havent fallen so far down. Sometimes I wonder or think, I should just be a hermit. Really, just live alone and be alone and then you don't have the pain of leaving ppl. But really thats not me. I'm out of my funk...sort of now...out of the worst of it. I won't stop now, cause I cant stop. I will try new things and enjoy life and meet new people and things will be awesome. Why? Because I am Preston Burke err.....I mean Ahmed Siddiqui....and i can do anything. This is really a bit of a jumble of thoughts and its a bit hard to organize...i won't try since it doesn't really matter. Maybe it would have made more sense the other day when I was down. Now i'm back to....meh status? hehe. I was talking to Dania yesterday and its interesting. I am an idealist and optomist, least in the long run. And I can almost always always find energy to be optomistic and encouraging and supportive to others. I wonder why I find it so much more difficult to do the same for myself. Another thought that occured to me a couple weeks ago is. Sometimes I talk to people and I can relate exactly to what they are going through. Which often catches them by surprise, you ahmed? really? how do you know. And I just feel like for a lot of things I've been there done that. And i've moved on to varying degrees. And I dont' mean this to sound conceited nor to make myself seem like i'm "oh so wise". I'm definitely not, hehe, quite the opposite much of the time. I just mean, I wonder if in 5 years I'll be able to look back and be like wow, this was all such a big deal and confusing and whatnot but really, its all so simple now. Does life always follow that pattern? I suppose it does. Things are never as good or as bad as they seem. My friend said I'm going through an existential period. I just looked it up. I think...I always am. I feel that I use to be a Robot. I was very shy about things. And wasn't very expressive. Very reserved and well giving a very robotic appearance to others. I've improved in that sense. I smile more now. I talk a bit more. I'm a bit more outgoing. I know I can handle myself with others. I dont care what ppl think usually (only those I care about). Still, I keep a lot hidden. Bottled up, not just the negative stuff. But sometimes the good too. I can smile more. Laugh more. I know one day the side of me that sings and dances (um....if i do...i admit nothing!) will feel free to do so infront of others. I suppose posting this so publicly is a step in that regard....though I feel a bit embarassed to do so. A new semi-private blog may be on the way... This post is too long now, let me just say thank you to my family and friends and even the randoms that i've talk to online, that comment on this blog, that i've met in person. You've helped me.......keep sane. I don't think people realize the help and kindness they offer in small things. Its why smiling is a good deed. I promise the next post will be lighter. And it'll have pictures! Thats always fun. =) In the middle of the night I go walking in my sleep And its a wonder to my sight All the things that I do keep I wonder if it'll come Everything that I do seek As I pray in my heart From its valley to its peak I know there be a day A day where everythings okay And as sad as I may be I still look at life with glee As I go walking in the night And I'm searching left and right Theres only I thing that I need And then I see you all there with me.

BRB - Gone to San Fran

Ahh, such a hectic day. I hope I packed everything I needed. Last minute deliveries at work stressing me out too. I need to take off like.....now. Not sure if i'll have internet accesss....or if i do if i'll blog with it.....so happy birthday to Zaina now. um.....k thats it I'm leaving on a jet plane....don't nkow.......actually i'll be back thursday. laters.

This turn.

Less than 3 weeks til the test...my nervousness is rising. I still have a ton of material to go through. And this week I have to prep for my San Fran trip and then I'll be there for about 5 days so I only have 1 week left before the test when I get back....well...inshallah it all goes well. I'm excited about San Francisco but at the same time...I'm kind of not. It'll be fun going to a conference there. Interacting with people. It'll be nice to see my cousin and his family. And my friend down there. But thats the weekend (well the conference is the week but whatever) but then what? Well I'll explore the city I suppose. Its too bad I don't know more people there. I'm really rather tired of not knowing ppl. Been there done that in Chennai and when I first came to NY (somewhat still actually). Its tiring and draining and hard and overall just sucks. But hey, I have the oppurtunity to go someplace I've never been and I will enjoy myself. And.....I'll take my books to do a bit of studying as well :P I wake up. I'm tired. I brush my teeth and wash my face. I start to feel energetic. A million thoughts race through my head. Oppurtunities, memories, ideas, plans. I'm happy. I'm eagar. I look forward with anticpation. Something happens. Someone bugs me, I do something less than perfect. Things go wrong. I feel down. I get blah. I don't care. I ignore. I bottle in. I decide this is dumb. I will continue. Only because I dont want to give up. One foot forward, after the other. I remember something, I talk to someone, I eat some chocolate, I go to sleep. I'm ready to be happy again. Prison break = my latest addiction. I have to be careful with it. Its a major study distraction. I think I almost caught a cold. I'm still fighting it but I refuse to be sick. Too much to do right now. I think its b/c the weather got really cold last week. And now its slightly warm again...at least during the day. But also I haven't been sleeping or eating much....well sleeping part can't be fixed right now.....but I'll try to make myself eat more in the evenings. I want some pizza and fries right now actually....hmmm..almost time for iftar now....i'll should go buy something to open roza with. To leave the thread of all time And let it make a dark line In hopes that I can still find The way back to the moment I took the turn and turned to Begin a new beginning Still looking for the answer I cannot find the finish Its either this or that way Its one way or the other It should be one direction It could be on reflection The turn I have just taken The turn that I was making I might be just beginning I might be near the end.

What are you doing with your time?

I feel so out of it tonight. I don't know why. Nothing in particular has me upset. Even the word upset is not quite accurate. I just feel.....blah. Maybe I should eat something....what do I feel like...I'll have a peanut butter sandwich...don't really have much else at home right now anyways.... Its weird cause I was in a good mood early today. I like fridays. End of the week. Weekend is here. And I enjoy hearing the speeches by the Imam as well. I always learn something or at least am reminded about something. Today was be grateful and don't be ungratfull. If you had 1 year left in your life. What would you do? Be a better person? Spend time with the ppl you care about? Give to charity? Smile and laugh more? Be more caring? Pray more? Read the Quran more? If you are reading this, chances are you well off in life. You have money or your family does, you work or you study. The simple version of it is, on average people with money will live 20 years longer than the poor ppl of this world. What are you doing with your time? Anyways, I'm still feeling rather blah. But after my own little spiel...I think I'll go study for a bit.

Return to innocence & riddle

Dont be afraid to be weak Dont be too proud to be strong Just look into your heart my friend That will be the return to yourself The return to innocence. At times I feel quite old. I always have been in a sense. Just by personality. But there is that side of me, that comes out, hehe actually it comes out quite often, thats just a goofy kid. And its fun I enjoy that. Its good to be happy and enjoy life. I am a glass half full type person. But I'm losing track of where I set out to go in this. What was it that I wanted to say...I guess over the last few years, I just feel I have lost some innocence. Could I say I'm even cynical? No, I don't think I'm that far gone. But there are so many reasons why this has happened. Sometimes things happen and it just makes you grow up. It takes you away from whatever world you were in. Ok, I'm losing myself now. And now I'll contradict myself. Despite all this, and whtever innocence I may have lost. I choose to hope and dream and believe. So vague, I know. Let it be. I choose to smile. If you want, then start to laugh If you must, then start to cry Be yourself dont hide Just believe in destiny. Dont care what people say Just follow your own way Dont give up and use the chance To return to innocence. I've been so tired the last few days. Its hard, you work for 9-10hrs then come home and study for 3-4 hrs more. So tiring....but my test is on the 28th....and i'm starting to worry. Thats not that far away :S . If anyone wants to pray I do well, its most welcome :) I haven't been going to the gym either b/c I haven't had time and I just don't have the energy. I can tell I'm smaller. But not smaller in the lost fat, smaller in the lost muscle :( Thats not the beginning of the end Thats the return to yourself The return to innocence Ok, so here's a funny story. I was heading out the other night to Ben&Jerry's. And I go downstairs and try to leave but the front door of the building is locked. I look back and the doormans not at his desk. Ok, makes sense. He probably went to the bathroom and they are suppose to lock the door when leave so no stranger walks in. Although I didnt know it locks me in as well. But anyways, the funny part is that. My neighbours, a couple with a new baby, come by from the outside and are struggling with all their stuff and come to the door. And the woman looks at me to open the door and I kind of just shrug a sorry. She doesn't quite understand but the guy starts to laugh. Takes out his key and opens the door. And then is like, do you want us to let you out? I'm like hehe, yes please =) . I duno maybe you had to be there it was funny. I have an apartment key (obviously) and the mail key, but never made a building key copy b/c didn't think I had to. Over a year now and its the first time its happened so....I think i'll keep taking my chances. Oh, I deleted Brent, Illia, and Jenise b/c their blogs are pretty much dead. But I added Madiha and Sarah (she actually has like 4 blogs! but i only added the main one, you can find links to the rest from there) in the left column. I asked my other friend Farheen, but she's being shy. So maybe if ppl read this, and comment encouraging her, she'll change her mind =P . K, let me leave off with this riddle. Lets see if anyone can figure it out =) It's brighter than the day, darker then the night. If you eat it it's haram, if you drink it it's halal. A woman uses it once in her life, A man three times a day. It's mentioned in the Holy Quran five times. The word starts with the letter "M" and is....?