Nothing more - Abort, Retry, Ignore

I posted this before on my old blog. Sadly thats now out of commission...still need to remove the link. Maybe this on this blog too from last year.....not sure. Regardless here it is again. It appeals to the geek in me. Hope everyone has a good day. Laters. Nothing more - By Anon (with appologies to 'The Raven' by Edgar Allan Poe) Once upon a midnight dreary, fingers cramped and vision bleary, System manuals piled high and wasted paper on the floor, Longing for the warmth of bedsheets, Still I sat there, doing spreadsheets: Having reached the bottom line, I took a floppy from the drawer. Typing with a steady hand, I then invoked the SAVE command and waited for the disk to store, Only this and nothing more. Deep into the monitor peering, long I sat there wond'ring, fearing, Doubting, while the disk kept churning, turning yet to churn some more. "Save!" I said, "You cursed mother! Save my data from before!" One thing did the phosphors answer, only this and nothing more, Just, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?" Was this some occult illusion? Some maniacal intrusion? These were choices undesired, ones I'd never faced before. Carefully, I weighed the choices as the disk made impish noises. The cursor flashed, insistent, waiting, baiting me to type some more. Clearly I must press a key, choosing one and nothing more, From Choose "Abort, Retry, Ignore?" With my fingers pale and trembling Slowly toward the keyboard bending, Longing for a happy ending, hoping all would be restored, Praying for some guarantee Timidly I pressed a key. But on the screen there still persisted words appearing as before. Ghastly grim they blinked and taunted, haunted, as my patience wore, Saying "Abort, Retry, Ignore?" I tried to catch the chips off-guard -- I pressed again, but twice as hard. I pleaded with the cursed machine: I begged and cried and then I swore. Now in desperation, trying random combinations, Still there came the incantation, just as senseless as before. Cursor blinking, angrily winking, blinking nonsense as before. Reading, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?" There I sat, distraught, exhausted by my own machine, accosted Getting up I turned away and paced across the office floor. And then I saw dreadful sight: a lightning bolt cut through the night. A gasp of horror overtook me, shook me to my core. The lightning zapped my previous data, lost and gone forevermore. Not even, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?" To this day I do not know The place to which lost data goes. What demonic nether world is wrought where data will be stored, Beyond the reach of mortal souls, beyond the ether, into black holes? But sure as there's C, Pascal, Lotus, Ashton-Tate and more, You will one day be left to wander, lost on some Plutonian shore, Pleading, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

I am the Man!

First off, here's a link to another cool blog, Mr. Bilal. It can also be found in the friend section down below on the side over <--------- there somewhere. Now, I just want to say: I am the man, that's what I am I'm a straight shooter, with a master plan I am the man, that's why I'm here I am the man, I am the man hehe, ok those are just some lyrics from The Philosopher Kings (whom are Canadian btw!). And just something that was in my head a bit this weekend. So Saturday, was the day. Time to write the GMAT. My study pattern for it wasn't the greatest. I studied July - late August. Then I was dumb and lazy and did squat all for awhile. Then late Sept I studied til yesterday when I wrote it I studied again. And truthfully, I was feeling pretty good by the end. I felt I could bomb (relatively) and still pull of a low-mid 600. And while leaving my apartment and walking to the train to go to the test, I just felt, I own this, I'm going to do great on this. And really, its such a nice feeling of confidence to be able to walk into something feeling that way. I don't mean to sound conceited, I just felt, I guess how I stated in the last post, if I did as well as I'm capable of, I'd do well. And thats totally not to say I wasn't nervous. I didn't sleep much before the test. And I woke up and prayed a bit extra. And during the test, well before and between the 3 different sections of the test are 10min breaks and I was like reciting any and all surahs, kulmas, dua's, etc that came to mind hehe. But in the end, things turned out great! I got a 700 which I'm more than satisfied with. Thank goodness no more studying now. It was kinda odd going for an exam again, had many of the same feelings from my old waterloo days. hehe. Thanks to everyone for the encouragement, even my doorman was like "mohammed, I want to wish you good luck and I hope you do very well." it sounds cooler in my head with his french accent than it does on here, but oh well. Thanks everyone. Encouragement is always appreciated. After the exam I was having this wonderful feeling of Euphoria and feeling happy and kind of smart and so I proceeded to stand on the platform and watch my train come and then leave w/o me. Only to realize a min too late...wait, that was my train...I'm on the wrong side. lol. I met up with some naseeb friends for dinner later that night. It was our Eid dinner at this restaurant called Dervish. Its alright, though its a very limited halal menu. The atmosphere was nice though. And we were doing our gift exchange thingy. Like a secret santa, but for Eid. I got Sadia. And as many of you know, I had no idea what to get her as I don't really know her too well. So I was asking a lot of ppl. In the end, I got her 2 shawls and some chocolate and she seemed to like it a lot so I'm glad. Other ppl complimented the gift as well so thats cool. Giving gifts is fun. Getting too of course =) But I like to give gifts, to the ppl I care about. I feel like I see things fairly often that I'm like oh they would like this or that. Or this reminds me of this person. Its not super amazing stuff by any means but I still think its nice. Though, I think I do need to do a bit of the regular cool nice gift too. Just to mix it up a bit, as much as ppl say its the thought...nice stuff is nice stuff too :P The night was really nice overall. One thing I miss about being home in Canada is that I have so many friends back home. And family of course. My family and so many of my cousins. And I have different groups basically that I hang out with, almost always someone or something. Not so much here, though I've tried hard to establish that...its a slow process. Anyhow, last night, I had the dinner thingy and lots of ppl were there, and during the night, my mom called, my cousin saara called, my cousins rasheed and hafsa txt'd me, zaina called, caitlin called. I felt more talkative at the dinner than I have in quite sometime (I'm usually pretty quiet...and still was...but less so). And it was just a good fun night. Afterwards they went for hookah but I decided to head home though. I was kinda tired and just wanted to do nothing at home. Today, did 94875937 loads of laundry and started to clean my room....um....I got my desk done...I think i'll do a bit a day and finish cleaning by tuesday :p hmm...anything else that I wanted to say? um....Congratulations Caitlin on the promotion! Thats awesome! um....oh Anojan and I saw The Prestige today. Not what I expected actually. But its alright. Solid but middle of the road to me, I'll give it a 3/5. I didn't take any pics at the dinner but several others did, I'll get some soon probably and put those up....still need to put up pics from when Rasheed came down as well....and then update the picture archive...thats a few picture posts out of date now.... Oh wait, I remember what else. I was talking to my mom. And it was strange b/c she brought up something that I was thinking myself lately. If you want something, if you have a goal, you need to belive in yourself. Don't aim low, aim high, and believe. and have faith, have belief. She was giving examples of wanting to go to ohmra, visit my nani-ma (great grandmother), and now going for hajj. And in my head I was thinking I was looking for more halal food near work, and I found 2 restaurants and a masjid.I wanted to start praying regularly, and finding that masjid along with some inner resolve has helped me greatly there. I wanted to get a lil book of prayers and it came to me (and on a rainy day where i didn't feel like going to the masjid, i went anyways and they were giving them away for free!). I had this 1 project I was working on and I was worried about a meeting I had on it, but a sudden shift in priorities caused that to get pushed back giving me ample more time to get it done the way i want to. I had a very important meeting I was very nervous about which I was praying a lot about and it went even better than I expected! I was praying about doing well on the gmat and ppl sent me tips on studying, where to study, and well wishes. And then I did do well. I think I posted this before maybe....or at least talked to some about this before. We are blessed and lucky ppl. so yeah, I just found it cool how my mom was talking to me about things like this that were already in my head. And just saying you need to belive and work hard and inshallah everything will work out well. =) anways, this message is getting to be too much like a childrens afterschool special....remember kids stay in school and say no to drugs =P haha Todays post has been brought to you by the letters A, I, B, and the number 8.

2 more days!

2 days to go. 2 days more days. I feel good about the math. And for english.....I'm alright. I'm not terribly confident about the sentence correction portion to be honest. But Inshallah all goes well. I'm scared to give myself expectations for a gmat score. But thats more about giving myself an out. Bah to that. I know what I want, its up to me to work for it and get it. Just inshallah I perform to the best of my abilities and I'll be fine. Whats pops to mind is something my Econ prof said one time. He was speaking about Olympic atheletes and he said it much more eloquently than I am about to. But basically he said. Do not wish them luck. That is an insult. These are people that have worked long and hard. They have spent endless hours and energy on their goals. These are professionals. Do not wish them luck, wish them success in performing at the highest of their abilities. Ok, now back to me. Yo, wish me luck, =p I'm cool with that haha. No, but inshallah I do fine. I'm really looking forward to having some free time again. Well I'll be busy with other things but it'll be 1 big thing out of the way. I could read again! I'm so behind in reading. I don't read nearly as much as I'd like to...or as much as I may make it sound like I do. But it is so much fun. To get engrossed and so lost in a book that the outside world fades away to oblivion, so nice so nice. Writing is fun too. I tell a lot of my friends, hey you should start blogging. And they are like, nah, I can't write. And I'm boring. I'm like...um...look at my blog, its far from a masterpiece. Its just fun. And at times very therapeutic. So EID was Monday, at least here, for me it was. EIDs not quite the same w/o family, but come to think of it...I haven't had EID w/ my family in like (was in ny this year and last, india 2 years ago....waterloo the year before...that) wow, it has been awhile. Anyways so what was my EID like this year? Well sir, I went to work, prayed at the masjid, came home and studied. So dull. BUT I honestly did enjoy that it was EID. I was in a good mood. I was feeling happy. So its not ideal, but I can't complain. AND ok, so I'm talking to Zaina and she's like Z: My mom made some Biryani, I'll bring you some Tuesday. Me: Oh thank you, but actually....I'm not a big biryani fan (yes yes, everyone else loves it....I duno. i prefer to mix my rice and meats myself). But thanks anyways. Z: Np, are you sure? M: hey.....actually......did your mom make shir kurma (sp?) the milkly sweet thingy. Z: Yep, you want some? M: Yes, that would be awesome! Going to peoples houses and having shir kurma and chai are something I'll always associate with EID and I do miss that so it was awesome to get some. Thanks Zaina! (And Mrs. Bari! hehe). Wednesday I went to an EID dinner at NYU. It was meh. Food I enjoyed, but it wasn't a social event in which I could really mingle and meet ppl. Had to just sit at the table and watch the show. Which wasn't bad. but I'm working on expanding my circle so not what I was hoping for. But dah well. Right after my exam on saturday I'm meeting some friends for our own eid dinner and eid exchange (like a secret santa) that should be fun. 2 more days! eeep! ack! Bring it on! :P oh ps. added 3 new blogs on the side over <-------- there. Check them out. Its Ms. Almira, Ms. Hanna, and Mr. Jeff.

Eid Mubarak! Eid Mubarak Everyone! =)

My San Fran trip w/ Pictures!

Friday: I arrive at SFO and Omar picks me up. We go to his house and talk for a few hrs. Saturday: I spend the morning with Omar, his wife Lubna, and their kids Alina & Daniel (Danyal, not sure). And we go to....Costco! haha. But it was fun. Afterwards played with the kids at home for awhile. So much fun! They're really nice and really happy kids. A little shy at first but they quickly warmed up to me and we had a lot of fun playing. Later we went to Alina's soccer game. I didn't catch all of it as Omar took me around the city (Foster City a it south of SF is where they live). We went this water area (1st pic) and Shell beach and just around the city a bit. Then returned to the game. Alina scored 4 goals! I should get her autopgraph now hehe. Though she was a bit cross with me for not watching the whole game...sorry kiddo, inshallah next time (like she reads this, hehe but oh well). OH! Guess who I saw at the game! Tim Robbins! Or at least a guy sitting on a lawn chair with shades that looked just like him! And there was a ferrari in the parking lot....soo.....I choose to believe it was him. :) They then dropped me off at the train station and I took the train into SF. The ride didn't take long and I spent the time looking outside. The scenary looked more like what I'd imagine for Nevada than Cali but it was still nice. I met up with Brian from work and we setup the booth and then I walked from Moscone centre randomly looking around. Going through Chinatown and ending up at Fishermans Wharf where I had dinner. Shrimp and scallops good stuff! The rice and pasta were bleh. Went back to the hotel and just crashed...not feeling well, I threw up a bit later that night =( But sunday I felt fine. Sunday: Sunday morning, Sharmin drove up from Mountain View to come pick me up and show me around the city. First we went to Lombard Street, I don't have a good pic showing the whole thing but basically its on the top of a hill and its this curvy road going all the way back down. Its just 1 turn after another so you basically have to drive at like 5-10km/hr to go down. It was pretty neat. Next up was the Golden Gate bridge. It was red, I knew that. But it was huge. Much bigger than I imagined. Reminded me of the Williamsburg bridge Rasheed and I kept crossing but, this was bigger. After the bridge we went to the Palace of Fine Arts. It looked kinda kiddy inside so walked around outside and it was amazing! The place when you just stop and look at it is like out of painting (in fact several artists were just sitting around painting landscapes of the area). It was really really nice. I heard later that the inside is actually really cool, and very nice interactive science centre so maybe I missed out. Next time. We then went to the Ocean. The ocean is massive! I got my shoes and feet wet when a wave went farther up the shore than I expected. Sharmin laughed at me and then was like "oh yeah, I should have warned you about that." It was cool though. To see the ocean right there. You kind of just want to stop, look at it and you get lost in your own thoughts. There were some cool kite flyers on the beach as well. And some of those things were you ride a bike pulled by a kite. I'm going to have to try that someday. After that Sharmin dropped me back at my hotel and I scrambled to get ready for day 1 of the show. Got ready, got to the show. And its massive. Like MASSIVE! Over 10,000 people at least. And really, it was kinda scary at first. Talking to these ppl about the businesss and company and products. Particularly the products I don't deal with often. But I quickly got the hang of it and it became quite fun. That night we went out to dinner with 1 of our competitors who is also a business partner, kinda. It was a lot of trash talking going back and forth and was pretty entertaining. Monday: Long day. Standing on my feet. All day. Sigh, so tiring. Really really tiring. But fun. But after the show. We went to the Expiron party. Like companies have dinner and receptions and parties and stuff afterwards in the evening. And Expiron throws the biggest. Well first we went to the Hoovers reception and that was ok. Then we went to Expiron. Expiron had got this giant tent in the heart of downtown San Fran in Union Square. They had a live band. They had vanilla fountains, chocolate fountains, chefs cutting and serving roast, multiple desert tables (with multiple deserts), a huge sushi area, open bar (blah), and bunch of other stuff. It was crazy! Like easily a million dollar plus party. But it was fun. It was interesting seeing older ppl dance around and stuff but they were having fun and no one was lewd or anything so it was really nice. And its nice listening to kinda older fun music too. I enjoyed it. Tuesday: Another long day at Moscone Centre. Then after it was done we packed it all up and shipped it to NY. Then I rented a car and drove around SF! Woohoo those hills man, I love it. After driving around there for a bit, I drove down to...Redwood to meet up with Sharmin for dinner. She was running late so I went grocery shopping hahha. Cereal man! So cheap there. So then we went to Dennny's. Man the most ghetto Denny ever. Good choice there Sharmin! I barely ate my food. So we just chilled for a bit and then I drove back to SF. Wednesday: Wednesday I was feeling really out of it. See the below post. So I started calling ppl on my phone. Talked to quite a few ppl by the end of the day actually. Rasheed, Omar, Caitlin, Zahra, Saara, and later on Alia, Dania, Farheen, Zaina, Darrin, um...can't remember who else now. Anyways during the day I drove down Lombard Street for myself. Did some more hills. Went to the Pier but just walked around, didn't have time for Alcatraz unfortunately. Checked out the Sony Matrenon which was pretty cool, an interactive place with some free video games. And just walked aroudn the city. I had to return the car by 7 so I just drove to the airport and returned it and then I was there pretty early so i just went online and talked to ppl and thats about it. Overall a great trip and I look forward to visiting again sometime. Ok, this took longer than I thought so back to studying! sigh.... Omar standing on the F of the Foster City sign Shell beach, its all shells everywhere. So strange but neat. My neice Alina all ready for her soccer game. Lil superstar scored 4 goals :) Omar & Alina drop me off at the train station Scenary on the way to San Fran...its more how I'd picture Nevada. Walking the streets of SF, there are some cool buildings here. The hilly roads. Fishermans Wharf SF by the wharf with Coit Tower in the back SF is known for Ghiradelli chocolate and...you know, its pretty good. And they're also known for their sourdough, which comes in many shapes View of a hilly road while sitting in the car Going down Lombard St The Golden Gate Bridge And from the other side And with me in the pic. Even w/o flash my eyes are still closed! But I still blame the picture taker! The Palace of Fine Arts Sharmin, by the water near the Palace. Here swan, come here swan Another swan pic And me by the water. The whole area by the Palace of Fine arts looked So nice! The Ocean! Its Huge!! Lets go fly a kite, up to the highest height, lets all go....fly a kite! Ok, so here's a pic of me at the conference/tradeshow thingy. Here's some football guy...I hear he's kinda famous. Alcatraz! Jaws! well prehistoric jaws. Pier 39, bunch of restaurants and buskers and stuff. And just 1 more of the city's roads. So much fun to drive on...not so much fun to walk.

In the middle of the night.

I'm back. And the trip overall was great. There was some bad along with the good but overall I really enjoyed it and Inshallah I'll go visit there again soon some day. I took pictures and I have stories, but that will come on the weekend. Right now I just wanted to post. I thought about starting a new blog for this. I didn't know if I wanted to put this here and really I'm still not sure. I may make a new blog for such thoughts later...we'll see. Basically, the last couple days I was really feeling down. I feel really alone in NY sometimes. Sure I know some ppl. I have made some friends. But (no offense to any of them) I haven't become very close to any of them yet. And when I feel sad or down and even when I'm not sad and just want to talk, I end up calling my friends and family back in Canada, or Caitlin who's in CT. I just get really tired of not having ppl here sometimes. I am so lucky for all that I have. Am I being ungrateful? Should I just be happy and content with what I have? Well I know I should be grateful. I am. But I guess the answer is that I shouldn't stop striving for more. You know, dinner and food is always nice. But it'd be really nice to just really get to know ppl. To be able to just sit at home with some friends and talk and laugh just playing a board games. Just enjoying simple things. Its hard to keep trying, I have tried. I've tried so many different things. And things are much better than before. I can to a degree understand why so many ppl do so many bad things sometimes....its an escape...but its temporary. And I'm thankful I havent fallen so far down. Sometimes I wonder or think, I should just be a hermit. Really, just live alone and be alone and then you don't have the pain of leaving ppl. But really thats not me. I'm out of my funk...sort of now...out of the worst of it. I won't stop now, cause I cant stop. I will try new things and enjoy life and meet new people and things will be awesome. Why? Because I am Preston Burke err.....I mean Ahmed Siddiqui....and i can do anything. This is really a bit of a jumble of thoughts and its a bit hard to organize...i won't try since it doesn't really matter. Maybe it would have made more sense the other day when I was down. Now i'm back to....meh status? hehe. I was talking to Dania yesterday and its interesting. I am an idealist and optomist, least in the long run. And I can almost always always find energy to be optomistic and encouraging and supportive to others. I wonder why I find it so much more difficult to do the same for myself. Another thought that occured to me a couple weeks ago is. Sometimes I talk to people and I can relate exactly to what they are going through. Which often catches them by surprise, you ahmed? really? how do you know. And I just feel like for a lot of things I've been there done that. And i've moved on to varying degrees. And I dont' mean this to sound conceited nor to make myself seem like i'm "oh so wise". I'm definitely not, hehe, quite the opposite much of the time. I just mean, I wonder if in 5 years I'll be able to look back and be like wow, this was all such a big deal and confusing and whatnot but really, its all so simple now. Does life always follow that pattern? I suppose it does. Things are never as good or as bad as they seem. My friend said I'm going through an existential period. I just looked it up. I think...I always am. I feel that I use to be a Robot. I was very shy about things. And wasn't very expressive. Very reserved and well giving a very robotic appearance to others. I've improved in that sense. I smile more now. I talk a bit more. I'm a bit more outgoing. I know I can handle myself with others. I dont care what ppl think usually (only those I care about). Still, I keep a lot hidden. Bottled up, not just the negative stuff. But sometimes the good too. I can smile more. Laugh more. I know one day the side of me that sings and dances (um....if i do...i admit nothing!) will feel free to do so infront of others. I suppose posting this so publicly is a step in that regard....though I feel a bit embarassed to do so. A new semi-private blog may be on the way... This post is too long now, let me just say thank you to my family and friends and even the randoms that i've talk to online, that comment on this blog, that i've met in person. You've helped me.......keep sane. I don't think people realize the help and kindness they offer in small things. Its why smiling is a good deed. I promise the next post will be lighter. And it'll have pictures! Thats always fun. =) In the middle of the night I go walking in my sleep And its a wonder to my sight All the things that I do keep I wonder if it'll come Everything that I do seek As I pray in my heart From its valley to its peak I know there be a day A day where everythings okay And as sad as I may be I still look at life with glee As I go walking in the night And I'm searching left and right Theres only I thing that I need And then I see you all there with me.

BRB - Gone to San Fran

Ahh, such a hectic day. I hope I packed everything I needed. Last minute deliveries at work stressing me out too. I need to take off like.....now. Not sure if i'll have internet accesss....or if i do if i'll blog with it.....so happy birthday to Zaina now. um.....k thats it I'm leaving on a jet plane....don't nkow.......actually i'll be back thursday. laters.

This turn.

Less than 3 weeks til the test...my nervousness is rising. I still have a ton of material to go through. And this week I have to prep for my San Fran trip and then I'll be there for about 5 days so I only have 1 week left before the test when I get back....well...inshallah it all goes well. I'm excited about San Francisco but at the same time...I'm kind of not. It'll be fun going to a conference there. Interacting with people. It'll be nice to see my cousin and his family. And my friend down there. But thats the weekend (well the conference is the week but whatever) but then what? Well I'll explore the city I suppose. Its too bad I don't know more people there. I'm really rather tired of not knowing ppl. Been there done that in Chennai and when I first came to NY (somewhat still actually). Its tiring and draining and hard and overall just sucks. But hey, I have the oppurtunity to go someplace I've never been and I will enjoy myself. And.....I'll take my books to do a bit of studying as well :P I wake up. I'm tired. I brush my teeth and wash my face. I start to feel energetic. A million thoughts race through my head. Oppurtunities, memories, ideas, plans. I'm happy. I'm eagar. I look forward with anticpation. Something happens. Someone bugs me, I do something less than perfect. Things go wrong. I feel down. I get blah. I don't care. I ignore. I bottle in. I decide this is dumb. I will continue. Only because I dont want to give up. One foot forward, after the other. I remember something, I talk to someone, I eat some chocolate, I go to sleep. I'm ready to be happy again. Prison break = my latest addiction. I have to be careful with it. Its a major study distraction. I think I almost caught a cold. I'm still fighting it but I refuse to be sick. Too much to do right now. I think its b/c the weather got really cold last week. And now its slightly warm again...at least during the day. But also I haven't been sleeping or eating much....well sleeping part can't be fixed right now.....but I'll try to make myself eat more in the evenings. I want some pizza and fries right now actually....hmmm..almost time for iftar now....i'll should go buy something to open roza with. To leave the thread of all time And let it make a dark line In hopes that I can still find The way back to the moment I took the turn and turned to Begin a new beginning Still looking for the answer I cannot find the finish Its either this or that way Its one way or the other It should be one direction It could be on reflection The turn I have just taken The turn that I was making I might be just beginning I might be near the end.

What are you doing with your time?

I feel so out of it tonight. I don't know why. Nothing in particular has me upset. Even the word upset is not quite accurate. I just feel.....blah. Maybe I should eat something....what do I feel like...I'll have a peanut butter sandwich...don't really have much else at home right now anyways.... Its weird cause I was in a good mood early today. I like fridays. End of the week. Weekend is here. And I enjoy hearing the speeches by the Imam as well. I always learn something or at least am reminded about something. Today was be grateful and don't be ungratfull. If you had 1 year left in your life. What would you do? Be a better person? Spend time with the ppl you care about? Give to charity? Smile and laugh more? Be more caring? Pray more? Read the Quran more? If you are reading this, chances are you well off in life. You have money or your family does, you work or you study. The simple version of it is, on average people with money will live 20 years longer than the poor ppl of this world. What are you doing with your time? Anyways, I'm still feeling rather blah. But after my own little spiel...I think I'll go study for a bit.

Return to innocence & riddle

Dont be afraid to be weak Dont be too proud to be strong Just look into your heart my friend That will be the return to yourself The return to innocence. At times I feel quite old. I always have been in a sense. Just by personality. But there is that side of me, that comes out, hehe actually it comes out quite often, thats just a goofy kid. And its fun I enjoy that. Its good to be happy and enjoy life. I am a glass half full type person. But I'm losing track of where I set out to go in this. What was it that I wanted to say...I guess over the last few years, I just feel I have lost some innocence. Could I say I'm even cynical? No, I don't think I'm that far gone. But there are so many reasons why this has happened. Sometimes things happen and it just makes you grow up. It takes you away from whatever world you were in. Ok, I'm losing myself now. And now I'll contradict myself. Despite all this, and whtever innocence I may have lost. I choose to hope and dream and believe. So vague, I know. Let it be. I choose to smile. If you want, then start to laugh If you must, then start to cry Be yourself dont hide Just believe in destiny. Dont care what people say Just follow your own way Dont give up and use the chance To return to innocence. I've been so tired the last few days. Its hard, you work for 9-10hrs then come home and study for 3-4 hrs more. So tiring....but my test is on the 28th....and i'm starting to worry. Thats not that far away :S . If anyone wants to pray I do well, its most welcome :) I haven't been going to the gym either b/c I haven't had time and I just don't have the energy. I can tell I'm smaller. But not smaller in the lost fat, smaller in the lost muscle :( Thats not the beginning of the end Thats the return to yourself The return to innocence Ok, so here's a funny story. I was heading out the other night to Ben&Jerry's. And I go downstairs and try to leave but the front door of the building is locked. I look back and the doormans not at his desk. Ok, makes sense. He probably went to the bathroom and they are suppose to lock the door when leave so no stranger walks in. Although I didnt know it locks me in as well. But anyways, the funny part is that. My neighbours, a couple with a new baby, come by from the outside and are struggling with all their stuff and come to the door. And the woman looks at me to open the door and I kind of just shrug a sorry. She doesn't quite understand but the guy starts to laugh. Takes out his key and opens the door. And then is like, do you want us to let you out? I'm like hehe, yes please =) . I duno maybe you had to be there it was funny. I have an apartment key (obviously) and the mail key, but never made a building key copy b/c didn't think I had to. Over a year now and its the first time its happened so....I think i'll keep taking my chances. Oh, I deleted Brent, Illia, and Jenise b/c their blogs are pretty much dead. But I added Madiha and Sarah (she actually has like 4 blogs! but i only added the main one, you can find links to the rest from there) in the left column. I asked my other friend Farheen, but she's being shy. So maybe if ppl read this, and comment encouraging her, she'll change her mind =P . K, let me leave off with this riddle. Lets see if anyone can figure it out =) It's brighter than the day, darker then the night. If you eat it it's haram, if you drink it it's halal. A woman uses it once in her life, A man three times a day. It's mentioned in the Holy Quran five times. The word starts with the letter "M" and is....?

Pakora, Pakora

People up in here tonight No fighting, no fighting We got the roza up in here No fighting, no fighting Pakora, Pakora I never really knew that it could taste like this It makes a man wants to eat that dish Como se llama (si), bonita (si), mi casa (si, Pakora Pakora), su casa Pakora, Pakora Oh baby when your fried like that You make a person go mad So be wise and keep on Reading the signs of my...... ...recipe =P

=) Good day, Tag, & A Basket of Water

Today has been a good day, nay (I just felt like saying nay, how many times do I get use that? haha) a great day! I mentioned in an early post I had something scary coming up. And I thought it would happen tomorrow. But I was surprised and it ended up happening today. And...it was scary! But it went well. Better than I thought actually. =) I'm happy. What else? I know there was something else...things have just been going well lately. I've had good luck. And I realize how much I've been blessed with. And I'm enjoying a lot of litttle things. Small things that go my way, but make me smile. I've still had a few moments of unhappiness, but its ok. I'm ok. Its too bad I can't recall some of these small things right now...but oh well. Its ok, its alright, ...I don't remember the rest of the song...haha. I added a new section to my blog. Its on the left. A tag it thing, or shoutbox or whatever you'd like to call it. Basically allowing comments on the blog level instead of post level. Try it out, let me know what you think. I came across this story, which I'm posting below. Its nice overall. Except I believe that not only should you read, and believe. You should try to understand. You'll gain the most benefit that way. And that holds true for most anything. A basket of water An old American Muslim lived on a farm in the mountains of eastern Kentucky with his young grandson. Each morning Grandpa was up early sitting at the kitchen table reading his Quraan. His grandson wanted to be just like him and tried to imitate him in every way he could. One day the grandson asked, "Grandpa, I try to read the Quraan just like you but I don't understand it, and what I do understand I forget as soon as I close the book. What good does reading the Quraan do?" The Grandfather quietly turned from putting coal in the stove and replied, "Take this coal basket down to the river and bring me back a basket of water." The boy did as he was told, but all the water leaked out before he got back to the house. The grandfather laughed and said, "You'll have to move a little faster next time," and sent him back to the river with the basket to try again. This time the boy ran faster, but again the basket was empty before he returned home. Out of breath, he told his grandfather that it was impossible to carry water in a basket, and he went to get a bucket instead. The old man said, "I don't want a bucket of water; I want a basket of water. You're just not trying hard enough," and he went out the door to watch the boy try again. At this point, the boy knew it was impossible, but he wanted to show his grandfather that even if he ran as fast as he could, the water would leak out before he got back to the house. The boy again dipped the basket into river and ran hard, but when he reached his grandfather the basket was again empty. Out of breath, he said, "See Grandpa, it's useless!" "So you think it is useless?" The old man said, "Look at the basket." The boy looked at the basket and for the first time realized that the basket was different!. It had been transformed from a dirty old coal basket and was now clean, inside and out. "Son, that's what happens when you read the Quraan. You might not understand or remember everything, but when you read it, you will be changed, inside and out. That is the work of Allah in our lives."

Its a BIG universe

I'm so weak. I went to the gym to workout today and could barely do anything. I stopped after 5 excercises. And trust me, those 5 excercises did not go well :( Well....I havne't gone for a week so...maybe thats part of it? We'll see...I just hope I don't gain (bad) weight during ramadan. I found these pics on another blog I stumbled upon and I'm stealing them and putting them up here :P I just found it really cool. And they don't make me feel small or insignificant or anything. Rather, I find it unimaginable how big these things really are. But I do find it amazing that such things exist in this universe. Its incredible. Oh and Antares is only the 15th brightest star in the sky and more than 1000 light years away! I just ate some chicken and hummas and argh...I feel so full....like too full :( Speaking of argh, that just reminded me. I did all my laundry last night. and then I went to my bathroom and Argh! my towels, i forgot to do my towels....man...sigh. Does anyone want survivor? I admit I'm a fan. This season they were divided by race. Ok...its dumb but yes it did get me interested as well. Though really, 5 ppl do not a race represent. Nor could any 5 ppl. Really, I'd have liked to see a team diversity, I'd cheer them on. Anyone, with 6 odd billion ppl on earth. and 1 billion plus in china. and another 1 billion plus in india. Thats like 1 out of 3 ppl. Yet on survivor none of the 20 ppl are from either of these places? in fact, no brown ppl at all. whats up with that? Still, i'm enjoying the season so far, and i'd say my favourite team is the asian team. but thats just b/c they seem like competent players that are nice ppl. k, i'm tired, thats all for now.

Ramadan Mubarak!!!

Ramadan Mubarak! Its Ramadan already, wow. That came fast. Thankfully I'm here for it. :) I've talked to a few people about this already but I thought I'd put it up here as well. I feel that last year compared to previous years, I really felt the spirit of Ramadan more. I think its because in previous years I've been busy with exams or I've had friends and family around me and you just take so much for granted. Even when I was in India I at least went to Hyderabad for Eid and some ppl at work took me for iftar (when we open our fast) sometimes. Last year was quite different. I felt a lot more alone. Wake up and have sehri alone (food before starting the fast) and then at the end opening it alone. No iftar parties to go to, no family to visit every weekend. But I did quite a bit of reading on Islam then and I did meet some ppl in the city for an iftar dinner and an Eid dinner. And I guess b/c I was looking for it more or maybe b/c when you starve for something it tastes better, I don't know. I just enjoyed Ramadan. I also read a lot of other ppl talking about enjoying it and smiles and happiness are contagious. :) And you know what, last night (or was it this morning) I felt really happy again. Which was awesome. I just felt like, Yay, its Ramadan. And last year, I didnt' know if it Ramadan started today or tomorrow or what was going on (its a lunar calendar and depends on the spotting of the moon). And I didn' t have anyone to ask. And same deal with Eid which was really confusing too. But this time I did! And afer i found out, i had plenty of ppl to txt and call and say Eid Mubarak to. And that felt great too. Oh and thursday i wanted some food with salan (soupy sauce) b/c normally the restaurants I go to are dry, spiced well, but dry. And then friday. Soupy! Yes! Such small things, but it makes me smile and happy. Sometimes we need to stop and remember how truly blessed we are for all the things we have in this world. :)

How to save a life

Step one you say we need to talk He walks you say sit down it's just a talk He smiles politely back at you You stare politely right on through Some sort of window to your right As he goes left and you stay right Between the lines of fear and blame And you begin to wonder why you came Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend Somewhere along in the bitterness And I would have stayed up with you all night Had I known how to save a life Let him know that you know best Cause after all you do know best Try to slip past his defense Without granting innocence Lay down a list of what is wrong The things you've told him all along And pray to God he hears you And pray to God he hears you Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend Somewhere along in the bitterness And I would have stayed up with you all night Had I known how to save a life As he begins to raise his voice You lower yours and grant him one last choice Drive until you lose the road Or break with the ones you've followed He will do one of two things He will admit to everything Or he'll say he's just not the same And you'll begin to wonder why you came Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend Somewhere along in the bitterness And I would have stayed up with you all night Had I known how to save a life Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend Somewhere along in the bitterness And I would have stayed up with you all night Had I known how to save a life How to save a life How to save a life Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend Somewhere along in the bitterness And I would have stayed up with you all night Had I known how to save a life Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend Somewhere along in the bitterness And I would have stayed up with you all night Had I known how to save a life How to save a life - The Fray

Ahhhhhhh...eeeep! ...oooh chocolate

Ok, I'm about to do something very scary. I've only done it once before. It was scary then. Nerve racking. And some good came out of it, but not as much as I hoped. Maybe this time will be different. Its still as nerve racking as ever. But yes, we'll see. Just got to say Bismillah and hope for the best. On a lighter note (ending on a heavier note =(....well hopefuly not). I was hungry at lunch. At lunch? Noo.....but yes! at lunch! hehe. anyhow. So I was hungry and I went to the atm cause i only had $3 in my wallet. But atm wasn't working boooo. And then I was running late. So I went to the masjid. and then just went to the restaurant and got 2 shish kebab and a naan for $3. Not a bad deal eh? But...sigh, I was still hungry. So I went to the closest other atm which is a nearby cafe. I didn't want to go there....b/c of temptation....but I also...sort of did....b/c of that temptation. And tempt me it did! I caved. I got the double chocolate muffin....AND it was good. Just as I remember. Hence me alluding to ending on a heavier note :( I haven't lost any weight.....though I do feel...less wide. But then I've been sick lately so thats thrown a wrench into my routine.....we'll see. I aim to be at the gym again by saturday. I watched Chocolat last night. Movie wasn't as good as I hoped. The chocolate in the movie however looked fantastic. I was cravign some soo much! I guess this cures my cravings for awhile....at least it better.

A Fair weekend.

I didn't get a chance to post the last few days. I haven't been feeling all too well. My heads still a bit hazy and I'm not at 100% yet but I'm still feeling much better today. A few days of actually getting proper rest can do wonders. :) So the weekend I didn't do too much. I don't remember friday. Saturday I went down to the Hilton in midtown b/c the World MBA Tour thingy was going on. Basically a lot of schools are setup with stations and you can go around and collect info from them and talk to them. So yeah, I get down to the Hilton and....shoot..its on Sunday. I just wasted so much time coming down here. hehe oh well. There was a street fair going on so that was kinda nice. The typical one you see in the streets in ny sometimes. Same stores and food stands and whatnot. Nothing very exciting as I've seen it a few times now. What was weird was, while on the train to midtown my mind wanders here and there. And I was remembering my friend Manpreet who I met in Rome. And I hadn't talked to her in aa couple months. And i get out of the train and 30 secs later, she's calling me! Crazy coincidence. Anyhow, she's doing well and is coming down to Hartford, CT later in Oct so thats cool I met meet up with her. And she said she's planning a trip to Costa Rica and wanted to know if Rasheed & I were interested, but sadly I have no vacation days for that...oh well. oh Friday I got a postcard from Vivian. She's in Thailand right now living it up and enjoy herself. Thanks for the card :) It was really nice! Ok, so back to Sunday. Me: Anojan, you want to go check out the fair? Anojan: What fair? Me: Haven't you looked out your window? (There is a big fair going on right outside and down atlantic ave for several blocks in each direction). Anojan: um......no. haha So Anojan & I checked out the fair. This wasn't like the one in midtown this was much larger. And it had performers. Drummers, rock and blue singers, belly dancers, other bands, dancers. balloons, and of course plenty of food stalls. It was pretty cool. Oh and the ny transit museum had several of their old buses throughout the years on display. I got a nice chocolate and banana crepe there too :) Then it was off to the mba thingy, again. I talked to a lot of ppl from a lot of schools and well I'll apply for some schools for sept 2007 and see how it goes. The annoying part is most mba programs want several years of experience. And the 2 yrs of co-op doesn't really count as a part of that. And the average age for these is.....like 29-32....sigh....well we'll see what happens. The good thing is that, you know there are a lot of cool programs out there and really i've just scratched the surface of whats out there. Too bad I'm not a super genious and then I could have my pick of which one i wanted to pursue hehe Lets see what else. Well actually, i'll just stop here.

How the world works.

This is a converstaion between an All American Dad and All American Kid!! Q: Daddy, why did we have to attack Iraq? A: Because they had weapons of mass destruction, honey. Q: But the inspectors didn't find any weapons of mass destruction. A: That's because the Iraqis were hiding them. Q: And that's why we invaded Iraq? A: Yep. Invasions always work better than inspections. Q: But after we invaded them, we STILL didn't find any weapons of mass destruction, did we? A: That's because the weapons are so well hidden. Don't worry, we'll find something, probably right before the 2004 election. Q: Why did Iraq want all those weapons of mass destruction? A: To use them in a war, silly. Q: I'm confused. If they had all those weapons that they planned to use in a war, then why didn't they use any of those weapons when we went to war with them? A: Well, obviously they didn't want anyone to know they had those weapons, so they chose to die by the thousands rather than defend themselves. Q: That doesn't make sense Daddy. Why would they choose to die if they had all those big weapons to fight us back with? A: It's a different culture. It's not supposed to make sense. Q: I don't know about you, but I don't think they had any of those weapons our government said they did. A: Well, you know, it doesn't matter whether or not they had those weapons. We had another good reason to invade them anyway. Q: And what was that? A: Even if Iraq didn't have weapons of mass destruction, Saddam Hussein was a cruel dictator, which is another good reason to invade another country. Q: Why? What does a cruel dictator do that makes it OK to invade his country? A: Well, for one thing, he tortured his own people. Q: Kind of like what they do in China? A: Don't go comparing China to Iraq. China is a good economic competitor, where millions of people work for slave wages in sweatshops to make U.S. corporations richer. Q: So if a country lets its people get exploited for American corporate gain, it's a good country, even if that country tortures people? A: Right. Q: Why were people in Iraq being tortured? A: For political crimes, mostly, like criticizing the government. People who criticized the government in Iraq were sent to prison and tortured. Q: Isn't that exactly what happens in China? A: I told you, China is different. Q: What's the difference between China and Iraq? A: Well, for one thing, Iraq was ruled by the Ba'ath party, while China is Communist. Q: Didn't you once tell me Communists were bad? A: No, just Cuban Communists are bad. Q: How are the Cuban Communists bad? A: Well, for one thing, people who criticize the government in Cuba are sent to prison and tortured. Q: Like in Iraq? A: Exactly. Q: And like in China, too? A: I told you, China's a good economic competitor. Cuba, on the other hand, is not. Q: How come Cuba isn't a good economic competitor? A: Well, you see, back in the early 1960s, our government passed some laws that made it illegal for Americans to trade or do any business with Cuba until they stopped being Communists and started being capitalists like us. Q: But if we got rid of those laws, opened up trade with Cuba, and started doing business with them, wouldn't that help the Cubans become capitalists? A: Don't be a smart-ass. Q: I didn't think I was being one. A: Well, anyway, they also don't have freedom of religion in Cuba. Q: Kind of like China and the @!#$ movement? A: I told you, stop saying bad things about China. Anyway, Saddam Hussein came to power through a military coup, so he's not really a legitimate leader anyway. Q: What's a military coup? A: That's when a military general takes over the government of a country by force, instead of holding free elections like we do in the United States. Q: Didn't the ruler of Pakistan come to power by a military coup? A: You mean General Pervez Musharraf? Uh, yeah, he did, but Pakistan is our friend. Q: Why is Pakistan our friend if their leader is illegitimate? A: I never said Pervez Musharraf was illegitimate. Q: Didn't you just say a military general who comes to power by forcibly overthrowing the legitimate government of a nation is an illegitimate leader? A: Only Saddam Hussein. Pervez Musharraf is our friend, because he helped us invade Afghanistan. Q: Why did we invade Afghanistan? A: Because of what they did to us on September 11th. Q: What did Afghanistan do to us on September 11th? A: Well, on September 11th, nineteen men, fifteen of them Saudi Arabians, hijacked four airplanes and flew three of them into buildings, killing over 3,000 Americans. Q: So how did Afghanistan figure into all that? A: Afghanistan was where those bad men trained, under the oppressive rule of the Taliban. Q: Aren't the Taliban those bad radical Islamics who chopped off people's heads and hands? A: Yes, that's exactly who they were. Not only did they chop off people's heads and hands, but they oppressed women, too. Q: Didn't the Bush administration give the Taliban 43 million dollars back in May of 2001? A: Yes, but that money was a reward because they did such a good job fighting drugs. Q: Fighting drugs? A: Yes, the Taliban were very helpful in stopping people from growing opium poppies. Q: How did they do such a good job? A: Simple. If people were caught growing opium poppies, the Taliban would have their hands and heads cut off. Q: So, when the Taliban cut off people's heads and hands for growing flowers, that was OK, but not if they cut people's heads and hands off for other reasons? A: Yes. It's OK with us if radical fundamentalists cut off people's hands for growing flowers, but it's cruel if they cut off people's hands for stealing other people’s bread. Q: But I thought you said 15 of the 19 hijackers on September 11th were from Saudi Arabia. A: Yes, but they trained in Afghanistan. Q: Who trained them? A: A very bad man named Osama bin Laden. Q: Was he from Afghanistan? A: Uh, no, he was from Saudi Arabia too. But he was a bad man, a very bad man. Q: I seem to recall he was our friend once. A: Only when we helped him and the mujahadeen repel the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan back in the 1980s. Q: Who are the Soviets? Was that the Evil Communist Empire Ronald Reagan talked about? A: There are no more Soviets. The Soviet Union broke up in 1990 or thereabouts, and now they have elections and capitalism like us. We call them Russians now. Q: So the Soviets, I mean, the Russians, are now our friends? A: Well, not really. You see, they were our friends for many years after they stopped being Soviets, but then they decided not to support our invasion of Iraq, so we're mad at them now. We're also mad at the French and the Germans because they didn't help us invade Iraq either. Q: So the French and Germans are evil, too? A: Not exactly evil, but just bad enough that we had to rename French fries and French toast to Freedom Fries and Freedom Toast. Q: Do we always rename foods whenever another country doesn't do what we want them to do? A: No, we just do that to our friends. Our enemies, we invade. Q: But wasn't Iraq one of our friends back in the 1980s? A: Well, yeah. For a while. Q: Was Saddam Hussein ruler of Iraq back then? A: Yes, but at the time he was fighting against Iran, which made him our friend, temporarily. Q: Why did that make him our friend? A: Because at that time, Iran was our enemy. Q: Isn't that when he gassed the Kurds? A: Yeah, but since he was fighting against Iran at the time, we looked the other way, to show him we were his friend. Q: So anyone who fights against one of our enemies automatically becomes our friend? A: Most of the time, yes. Q: And anyone who fights against one of our friends is automatically an enemy? A: Sometimes that's true, too. However, if American corporations can profit by selling weapons to both sides at the same time, all the better. Q: Why? A: Because war is good for the economy, which means war is good for America. Also, since God is on America's side, anyone who opposes war is a godless un-American Communist. Do you understand now why we attacked Iraq? Q: I think so. We attacked them because God wanted us to, right? A: Yes. Q: But how did we know God wanted us to attack Iraq? A: Well, you see, God personally speaks to George W.Bush and tells him what to do. Q: So basically, what you're saying is that we attacked Iraq because George W. Bush hears voices in his head? A.Yes! You finally understand how the world works. Now close your eyes, make yourself comfortable, and go to sleep. Good night.

The Quitter

Holden is really starting to bug me. I need to hurry up and finish this. I want to start the other book I bought. A Brief History of Nearly Everything. I'm pretty sure thats the title of the book I picked up... I'm slowly improving myself. At least in 1 way. And I'm glad. Hopefully it will continue and only gain momentum. Inshallah. Finished 6 degrees of separation. Not at all what I expected. Had some good moments. But overall meh. I got Chocolat. I think I'll like it. I like the name at least :) I made keema last night. Turned out alright. I've made better. But I got this new pot from my mom. I love it! Nothing sticks at all. I was able to clean it so fast it was awesome. And its bigger so I can actually cook enough for a few days at a time. Anojan made chocolate pudding. Or at least tried to. He burnt it again. hehe, thats what happens when you're too lazy to stir. Haven't tried it yet, but who knows. Hopefully some of it is edible. I need to study more. I'm distracted by a lot of things lately. Good distractions, but still I need to focus. Or set aside time where there can be no distractions. From within a darkness rising, Running in circles, almost falling Going deeper and deeper I can not sleep The Quitter -- Edgar A. Guest Fate handed the quitter a bump, and he dropped; The road seemed too rough to go, so he stopped. He thought of his hurt, and there came to his mind The easier path he was leaving behind. Oh, it's all much too hard, said the quitter right then; I'll stop where I am and not try it again. He sat by the road and he made up his tale To tell when men asked why he happened to fail. A thousand excuses flew up to his tongue, And these on the thread of his story he strung, But the truth of the matter he didn't admit; He never once said, I was frightened and quit. Whenever the quitter sits down by the road And drops from the struggle to lighten his load, He can always recall to his own peace of mind A string of excuses for falling behind; But somehow or other he can't think of one Good reason for battling and going right on. Oh, when the bump comes and fate hands you a jar, Don't baby yourself, boy, whoever you are; Don't pity yourself and talk over your woes; Don't think up excuses for dodging the blows. But stick to the battle and see the thing through. And don't be a quitter, whatever you do. hehe So many times, it happens too fast You change your passion for glory Don't lose your grip on the dreams of the past You must fight just to keep them alive..... ...Its the Eye of the Tiger

Wedding Pictures!

Ok, long overdue I've finally put Alia's wedding pictures up. But first a couple of quick side items. 1) AAAHHHH!!!!!!!! The day has been set (Oct 28th), the count down begins. So I have to really start preparing seriously now....sigh. Any prayers for me are welcome, if you forget I'll remind when the time comes =p 2) So I'm reading Catcher & the Rye. And such a coincidence that I rent Six Degrees of Seperatation and its crazy. Theres a whole scene discussing the book and possible meanings of the book. And when thinking of those things the book is cool. Other than that though, I'm really annoyed by Holden, like many of said maybe if I'd read this in highschool I would have enjoyed it. Anyhow, on to pictures! My Parents Umber, Mom, Myself, Nana Myself & Afroze Umber & I Alia Alia & my Mom Mom, Dad, Alia, Umber, Myself Some of the cousins at Alia's house Alia and her parents Farah and Saara Sohail, Farah, Hafsa, Alia, Saara, Myself Arsalan, Myself, Rabia, Alia, Saara Rabia, Hafsa, Myself, Hajra, Saara The Bride & Groom Saara, Umber, Hafsa The Husband and Wife Rasheed and Alia And now Alia just acting silly =)